know

so much to say, not enough time. i havent written anything for so long and i feel so full of things i want to say i coul dliterally burst. im extremely tired right now but i swear i will write this weekend!!! all i have to say is, since my last post i found firection i my life. i know that i have the best friends in the world. i know there is a god. i know what i want. i know that im over him. i know how im going to go about the next few monthes, everyone... get out of my way!!!!!

solitary

i feel so alone, out of place, forlorn, unaccompanied, by myself, without help, deserted, isolated, lonely, solitary... need i say more? urgh. i feel so helpless. i dont know what this feeling is that has come over me but i would love it it came to a rapid end. i feel like i dont belong anywhere or i dont mean anything right now. i dont know why i feel like this because saying these things makes me feel all depress-ish but URGH I CANT HIDE HOW IM FEELING! especially when i feel like its literally taking over! i feel like something good is going to happen soon but i dont know how i am going to get there and i feel as if the changes that will soon be happening in my life will help me get there but i feel like i am leaving the best friends i have behind. i know that this must needed change will be the best thing to happen to me but i dont know if i want to do thig alone... ahhh hopefully this weekend brings me out of this slump and it will give me much needed answers for tedious questions! wish me luck, szh

change

changing. everything seems to be changing but i feel so stuck. urgh i dunno what to think anymore. maybe one of these days i will have everything figured out...

Honestly, if you could go back and change something in the past 5 months would you?
hmmm, i want to say yes that i want to take things back but i dont know if i would want to take them back i would just want to see how things would change if i would have done things differently yanno? it would be interesting!

 

abode.

so bored. so i was looking at how much apartments, houses, condos etc cost. (not that im planning to move out but just checkin it out) and i honestly would be so content to live in the avenues in salt lake city for the rest of my life. i got to looking and since it is so late at night started looking at home decor. this isnt that strange of me cause i love home decor, landscaping and all of that stuff so i already have ideas for how i want my house to look like one day.. this obviously is extremely inrealistic but a girl can dream right??
i want my house to be very cozy. im not a huge fan of big houses. they are gorgeous and i love looking at them and stuff but i know that i would never want to live in one. i want as many bedrooms as are people in the house. i love when you drive by houses and they just look warm and "lived in" if you will. i love fences around houses and things like that. i want to have a variety of different plants in my front yard as well as sunflowers, i love the way sunflowers make houses look.

 

 

 

 

i want my kitchen to be very warm and welcoming. i want this to be where the family can talk and hang out.

 

 

i want my living room to be bright and open. i doubt we will be in this room a whole lot. we will probably be in family room or kitchen but you have to have a living room for awkward visits from randoms right?!

i want my kids to be able to have their room and be able to love the way their rooms feel so obviously they probably wont love all of my ideas and tastes but since i dont have kids to worry about now (whahhoo) this is what i would choose for them. (boys room would NOT have cowboy hats on the wall if it were up to me however...) This on the left would be their bathroom. hopefully they would be able to have their own seperate bathrooms. i loved how in my old house i didnt have to share a bathroom with any one. it made things much easier while getting ready and such.

Mine and my husbands room, such a wonderful place. i want our room to be very cozy and just comfortable. i want to be able to have like a small bookshelf and chair in there to be able to just kind of hang out in. i do not want a tv in our room. thats for the family room, its not good to have a tv in your room for sleeping reasons and such so we're just not gonna have that in there! hmm the bathroom i would like to be a little bit bigger to be able to have our stuff how we would like it in the way we want to organize it but whatev! i want a biggg tub and a bigggg shower thats all i care about really!!!

and really really random facct, i know its weird but i have always wanted a fireplace in mine and my husbands bedroom but instead of a fire i want a variety of different candles in it. i dont even know where i saw it but i have always wanted that in my house.. hahaha

 

yayayayaya !my salon! i want to be able to have a salon in my house for a while so i can work as well as hang out with my kids and sort of make my own schedule! i love this salon because its stylish but, once again warm and not to uppity. hahah am i using real words? i want my salon vibe to welcome everyone, the rich, poor, stylish, traditional.. EVERYONE! i dont want the way my salon looks to reflect how i act as well as act like its "too nice" for anyone!!!

i want my backyard to just be fun! i want to be able to hang out back there and just enjoy family and friends company together!

well, there ya have it, my dream home! i know i will have to just deal with what my family and i can afford but its fun to think youll be able to design whatever the crap you want. well that was fun, pointless, and a real time-killer. i, however am off to sleep! good night!!! xoxo szh

 

Would you date someone who lived in another state?

im someone that needs the comfort of someones presence not just words and an occational talk. it would be extremely hard and i think i would be able to do it if i knew we were going to be together forever like we were married or seriously dating, but if we didnt know where things were going and we werent established i couldnt! it seems like a waste of time.

q&a

so i found this website that has tonssss of random quesitons and i thought it would be funny if i sometimes answered a question before some of my posts sometimes when i am feeling like it. good idea? maybe. if you dont like it, dont read it!!! fair?!   okay, heres the first one...

What color is your hair brush?

black and red. but i never brush my hair, therefore rarely use a brush!

fun x 2

so usually people say, "what did you do this weekend?" well do i have an answer for them! hahah friday i hung out with my mom, got food and saw a movie, took a much needed nap and then went to work. after work i went to my dearest friend connors house and hung out with him for a bit. we laughed, talked, and and danced and had to much fun! after that i slept at my grandmas down there and saturday morning i woke up and did my aunts hair (turned out fabbbbulous!!!) and then after that i got really and went from my grandmas to work again. double urghhh. so then after that i went home and was super tired so took a longg nap to rejuvenate. after that i got ready and went over to my second home (the mericas) we went there and paul, cade, cc, myles and these girls with weird names that start with D all headed up to Midway to go to the hot springs. wellllll... we ran into some traffic.... 3 HOURS worth. so during this time, we sang, danced, prank called, played tag with fellow drivers, watched tv on the ipod, gave massages, red funny things to do and other things. it only kept us entertained for a wee bit and finally i thought SCREW THIS! and so i drove down in that little valley thingy that on some freeways separates the different directions of freeway... scary yet very liberating when we made it. although i do hope the accident wasnt as bad as it seemed to be, i hope the familes involed are okay. other then that, hahahah so funnny that we were in traffic alll freaking night! anyways it was a great night and i thought you all should know. thats all. xoxo szh

10

10 Things I've Come to Know For Sure...

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson appear to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tool and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you have to do is look.

10. You will forget all of this.

 so i have this thing where i go to peoples blogs, see facebooks status's etc and if i like it then i save it on a word document and save it so if i ever need a pick me up i will read it and it will make me feel swell. if thats a crime then lock me up. i usually say where i got it but sometimes i forget!! (like this one) hahah enjoy

best in the west

it would be a sure shame if I didn’t write about one of the best days of my life. ahh, everything just went the way I would have wanted to today. I woke up too early, showered, was almost late to school, couldn’t find a parking spot, went to comm1010 and wasn’t feeling it but then we ended up having a interesting discussion, walked the long walk to institute, sat by my friend brad and got to know him better, went to hair school, paid 400$ for freeeeakin school, waxed my underarms… worst. pain. EVER… uh, waxed girl’s eyebrows and made her look beautiful, went home, it was too hot so i opened every window in my house, cleaned my room, folded laundry, sean moysh came over to play for a wee bit, we ate chili dogs, connor came over, i gave him a tie, he gave me a book, (mind f**ks that one i talked about below), we went to a church center, connor parked in a handicaped spot, i didnt know how much garmets cost so i went to the back where they are but forgot i cant go back there cause im not endowed.. whoops..., connor bought a funny poster, we left, went  to a kids house to see him open his mission call, met some new friends, cause havoc with the connor, got a ice cream sundae, told someone a sad, long story that i havent ever really told anyone ever before, went home, talked to ely and now this.

my day started out not so great and things throughout the day were lameish but it wasn like nothing could stop me today. i felt like a million bucks and i wish i always felt that way but i sadly have bad days now and again but knowing that i could have a not so awesome day and still come out on top gives me hope for future hard times!! ah i feel happier then i have in a long while... smile, szh

happiness is..

ive been in a weird mood lately, ive been happy but not the the fullest happiness that i know to be normal for me, so i felt like writing down as many things i could think of, of things to be happy about, things ive loved one or more times in my life and ultimately grateful for... i came up with more than i thought i would and im grateful for that in itself. i hope to refer to this if not add to it often.. add to it if you feel so inclined... enjoy xoxo szh

1. That I’ve laughed so hard I could hardly breathe.

2. That I have cool eyes
3. Doing yoga
4. Being apart of something
5. Life’s lessons
6. Natural Consequences
7. People who are passionate about something
8. Time
9. Understanding what someone’s trying to say
10. Acceptance
11. Peoples beliefs
12. Finding out the differences in necessities and luxuries
13. Differences
14. Similarities
15. That I have felt small.
16. That I have met some inspirational people.
17. Jumping on trampolines
18. That I thought I was going to be with someone for the rest of my life and ended up not.
19. My long hair
20. My ability to get along with stranger
21. Being able to drink clean water
22. The gut feelings I get sometimes
23. Being loved
24. Knowing one day Ill fall in love with someone
25. Singing
26. That I have been able to travel.
27. That I'm able to go to school
28. Skyping funny people
29. Cameras
30. Cute cuddles
31. That I, for the most part, feel pretty
32. That I face up to hard things in my life.
33. People in my past that did not seem good for me at the time...
34. Rain on the roof while lying in bed
35. Living in a safe country
36. Being able to give to charities
37. Shoes
38. That I can ride a bike.
39. New Year's Eve
40. The thought that one day I’ll have a New Year’s Kiss (next year?!)
41. Success
42. The beauties that sometimes await me at DI
43. People who can play the piano breathtakingly well
44. Free stuff
45. Hawaii
46. That I have been to some brilliant concerts
47. Unique jewelry
48. Pretty skin
49. Incense that smells marvelous
50. That I laugh a lot
51. That I care for people
52. That I grew up
53. That I have nice teeth
54. My Integrity
55. Who I am
56. Music
57. Hope
58. Belief
59. Sunshine
60. Rain
61. When people curse at funny times
62. Songs that make me tear up
63. Trees
64. The wind on my face
65. Birthdays
66. Christmas
67. Giving to others who need it
68. Sad stories that end happily
69. Sad stories that end sad and it makes you want to make a change
70. Books
71. Past loves who become true friends
72. That I have spent my time on other people.
73. That I have danced all night.
74. Movies that make me cry
75. Movies that make me laugh
76. Pets
77. Texting people who can hold conversations
78. Butttt, people who can also hold conversations face to face are a little better
79. Sunsets
80. Feeling needed
81. Moments that make you cry
82. The magic of growing things
83. Kisses
84. Deep talks with my best friends
85. Power that cannot be seen
86. People who encourage you
87. People who wish you a good day
88. People who believe in you
89. The unknown
90. Travel
91. Missions
92. Seeing someone change for the better
93. Places I have seen
94. Places I have yet to see
95. People I have met
96. People I have yet to meet
97. Passion for life
98. Camping
99. Trying new things
100. Conquering fears
101. Trust
102. Being alive in a time of such amazing discoveries
103. Having a such a great time you don’t what it to end
104. Failing and seeing it as a chance to learn
105. Not giving up
106. Dreams
107. That I have got better after being sick
108. That I can run
109. That I can be afraid of things but I do them anyway
110. Being uncontrollably hyper
111. That I can think of more than a 100 things that I am grateful for!!!

life is good

I have many things to be grateful and here are ten, just to name a few. Most of them are so cliché and would be considered a “regular” thing to be grateful for but the things we take for granite are the ones we need to realize we have the most.



1-I'm thankful for a family who loves and cares for me every day. They help me through thick and thin. Even though I don’t always think of turning to them with a problem, I know that every time I do they are more than willing to help in any way they can. Both of my parents have been tough on me sometimes be I know that they were always doing the best that they could and I appreciate that so much.

2-I'm thankful for a home to live in. I am glad that I never have to question where the or not I will have to sleep out in the cold or get wet while its raining. I'm overwhelmingly happy that I have some place to call a home.

3-I'm thankful for food. I love food, all sorts, shapes and kinds of it. But its so sad to think of how many people in the world, let alone our neighbors who go without every once in a while. I am so glad that I can open my fridge and even sometimes, be picky about what I do and don’t want to eat that day. I'm grateful that my parents provide me with that.

4-I'm thankful for my dog. Urgh, I am not a fan of our current dog auto but I sure am (secretly) glad to have him around. I'm glad that I have had my dogs Roo and Casey in my life as well. I was always able to talk to them and just lay in our backyard and talk to them. Roo and I would have talks under our apricot tree when I was sad about anything and I miss having him around…

5-I'm thankful for my close friends. Some of my friends, as I have mentioned before, have been so supportive and I can honestly consider some of them family. They are the ones I run to for help and direction in anything I am doing in my life and they have given me good advice and helped me along the way.

6-I’m thankful for the mountains, ocean and just the whole outdoors and the serenity it gives me and other people as well. I am so glad that on any given day I can just walk outside and enjoy all that is around me. I cannot imagine what it would be like to live in a different country and be confined to your house and not be allowed to go out and about as you please. God has truly created beautiful things for me, as well as everyone else to enjoy.

7-I’m thankful for the ability to see, hear, smell, taste and touch. I am so grateful for the health I am in and without the five senses I wouldn’t be able to experience some of the things that have happened in my life that have given me the greatest, and truest happiness.

8-I’m thankful for my religion. I question certain principles and such sometimes but I know, without a doubt that it is where I belong. I am thankful for the peace it has brought me in my life when I have been stressed or questioned where I should go with my life. I am also grateful for the direction it gives me every day.

9-I’m thankful for smiling and laughter. I am so glad that given most situations you can always find something to smile or laugh about. I am not always the best at this but I sure do try and I know that when I do try to find the happy and good in everything my day goes by much better.

10-I’m grateful for LIFE. its so good, wonderful, beautiful, mysterious.. everything all in one. I'm thankful to be apart of it all…

spearding the awkwardness

awkward family photos... pleeeease tell me you’ve heard about it? HILAR! if you haven’t seen them you are in for some sort of treat! my mother laughs for hours on end when she gets her weekly dose of these... they are just random family pictures that people send in to this website and the pictures are quite the amusement but sometimes the captions that they have underneath them add to the funniness! oh boy i will have to share with you some of my top faves...

All she wanted was a tire change, but she ended up with so much more…

p.l.e.h

i am in desperate need. i want to go to atmoshpere and grieves on october 2nd. and i need tickets. ah i wanna go to this show sooo bad!! but i have a few problems, tickets are a litttle pricey from what i can find annnndddd i have no money. boo freaking hoo i need to be in attendance.

glitter

If (not saying anyone ever will) but if someone came up to me and asked me to tell them one song that summed up how I felt about life I would choose this song. Absolutely amazing… I have already expressed my love for music and the power it has over me as well as everyone if they are open to it. But sometimes, without feeling ashamed I will admit that I cry sometime whe ni hear songs because it just hits home, yanno? Like it just speaks to a place inside of me that needs talking to. I cried when I heard this song for the first time and I instantly fell in love with it.. I hope you enjoy the lyrics as much as I do slash did….

Glitter In The Air

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it

Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?
It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?
Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?
It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?
There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar
Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight?

if i were...

If I were a month, I’d be September or November. If I were a day of the week, I’d be Friday or Sunday. If I were a time of day, I’d be seven pm. If I were a sea animal, I’d be a seahorse . If I were a direction, I’d be east. If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a comfy bed. If I were a historical figure Joan of Arc, I’d be. If I were a liquid, I’d be cran-grape juice. If I were a gemstone, I’d be a citrine stone. If I were a tree, I’d be a quaking aspen. If I were a tool, I’d be a paintbrush. If I were a flower, I’d be a sunflower. If were a kind of weather, I’d be a Rain Storm.. If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a piano. If I were a color, I’d be peach. If I were an emotion, I’d be inspired. If I were a fruit, I’d be a pomegranate. If I were a sound, I’d be laughter. If I were an element, I’d be fire. If I were a car, I’d be a Mercedes g500. If I were a taste, I’d be a watermelon sour patch. If I were a sound, I’d be Regina Spektors voice. If I were a food, I’d be freshly made bread. If I were a fruit, I’d be a pomegranate. If I were an emotion, I’d be calm but happy. If I were a scent, I’d be Makkish Oil. If I were a place, I’d be a coffee shop. If I was a state I would be either North Carolina or Oregon. If I were an object, I’d be an ipod. If I were a body part, I’d be eyes. If I were a facial expression, I’d be a simple smile. If I were a song, I’d be hands in my pocket-alanis morrisette. If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be sanuk shoes

boo.

Is it bad that I am one of the only people in the world that isnt on the miley cyrus banwagon? Everything about her bugs me. Does that make me a bad person?

confound, confuse, abuse

suuuper tired, cannot sleep despite my best efforts. so what have i been doing lately? all sorts of grand things. i joined a few clubs at my school and the one im mostly proud of is the environmental club. whoooohooo! super happy about it! schools been grand, ive met a few interesting people and im excited to continue to get to know them throughout the semester. i love esthetics but hate that my teachers are making me grow every area that grows hair out, aka im a hairy wildabeast for the next 2 weeks and counting. at some points in my life i like to believe that i would be able to make it out there as a back-woodsman, but as of now, no way.... unless i could take a razor?

hmm get back to me on your thoughts about that. ive been thinking of trying something new lately, hmmm... sewing? who knows. ps. my friend connor martin and i had an extraordinary day a few days ago at barns and noble reading a book called mindf*cks. HILARIOUS. i haven’t laughed so hard in my life... quite seriously. so hilarious.

i am in love with mine and connors friendship, hes a funny one and i am sad he has moved so far away from me. jerk. but cadence is still around so i will survive. maybe i should find myself a few girlfriends one of these days...nah. okay well, im extremely tired but cannot seem to go to sleep, maybe i will try again... until next time, szh

money spendaaa

i said, "what do you think i would do if i keep getting one of these everday?"
and i honestly think that my friend cade said it best when he said "you wouldnt have any more money"

mcdonalds, $1.07.... money well spent every. single. time.