my own version of sequal.

so after reading this girls blog entry embarrassed. i couldnt help but to think of my own stuff that i might be embarrassed about doing in my past, younger years. of course everyone says things like "i dont have regrets, because who i was made me who i am" yep. thats true all the mistakes i have made, i can honestlysay that those things helped make me who i am by the way i think, the way i trust peole, the way people trust me and so on... BUT, i also do think back on things and think to myself crap, i really wish i didnt have to learn the hard way, or (hopefully my parents arent reading this one or the words "i told you so" will never ring in clearer) but i sometimes wish i would have listened to the advice my parents seemed to give me. over, and over, and over and over...

as im sure some, if not all of you who are reading this know, i have ALWAYS been someone who had to do things for myself. its helped and hurt me many times throughout my life. people would tell me something was hot and i woul dhave to touch it to really believe them. it sounds so stupid, silly and extremely childlike of me to do but thats how its always been with everything in my life. trying new things, meeting the "right/wrong" kind of friends, making stupid choices... the list rolls on. there are so many people i have pushed away and friendships that have been discontinued because lets face it, i screwed up.

i screwed up by doing a lot of things... lying, being loud, being blunt, putting my foot in my mouth (i do it so well), being too honest etc etc. but i can honestly look back and think that 80% of the time i was trying to do good rather then hurt someone. i can honestly say that i never meant to hurt peoples feelings most of the time... urgh see. me being honest with myself that yeah, i wasnt always the nicest girl at school or whatever it really does hurt my feeling to know that maybe i could have helped someone out, i could have been there for someone, known more people, reached out to someone who i wouldnt see myself being friends with long term whatever.

im so glad high schools over. im happy high schools over for everyone older then me and the people in my class. just looking at stupid things like facebook and even talking to some of them and rekindling frienships and stuff like that you can just tell that more people are who they've really always been and wanted to be. it broke down so many walls for me and i really am 159.3$ sure of who i am right now is more of who i am supposed to be then who i was during those years. im more friendly, i talk to people, i genuinly listen, i genuinly care, i just feel so much more comfortable with myself. the friend i have now are people i have things in common with, people who i dont have to make things work with it just natrually happens. i really do have some awesome friends who saw me for who i was and who i could become and im so happy and lucky to have that. i love my friends and my family very much. they help me often and i am so grateful for all i have in life.

ive forgiven myself for the stupid messups i have had to stumble upon through life and i hope you all will too.