lithuania and stufffff

i know i havent posted anything on this one for agesss..... but a lot has happened since my last post. i am currently living in europe so i have started a blog about those travels, check it out here
xoxooxoox

my creep

sometimes all i need to do is think of this face and everything gets better.
he's such a creep
but i love him, cause sometimes creepy people love creepy people.

phone call

todays the best day ever. yell it, write it down.. SOMETHING! i just got to talk to cade and i dont think i could ever be happier then i am right now. i feel like i just won the best prize of all!!!! i couldnt sleep last night for longer then 30 minutes and i kept checking my phone to see if i had some how missed it or whatever. anyways we got to talk for one hour, four minutes and twelve seconds... i dont know if i have ever loved an hour so much in my while life! it seems unreal that i was actually able to hear his voice! we talked about everything, school, missions, spanish, boys, kissing, hugging, hiking, loving... everything. i love him so much and it just feels like it grows everyday.
its very hard though to know what to do. here i am, being alone and away from him and boys ask me to go on dates... i go, but not because i am genuinely interested, i go because why not? i have nothing else to do, the boys that ask me to go are fun and i enjoy their company but i just know from the boys i have went out with, they are just not long term material for me. and thats how i have always been, i was never someone to just date a million boys not seriously at the same time and stuff. i was always someone that, if i liked someone then thats all that there was for a longggg time. who knows if i am supposed to end up with cade?! but as of right now, he is by far the closest i have ever came to being in love, and being someone i could see myself having a family with and all that comes from that. 
he will do amazing things in texas and i am so lucky to have him as an example for me to live in a way that i should be worthy to be with him when he comes home. 
ahhhh today was the best ever and its only 7:45.... yayayay!!!

greener

"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. 
The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be." -Robert Fulghum

safe

However safe you might think you are right now, Stevie, you are even safer. However much you might think you are loved and guided right now, you are loved and guided even more. And however likely you feel your future happiness is to blossom, let me assure you, it is, in fact, inevitable. Eternally. It's simply that from within the jungles of time and space none of what I just shared is obvious, even as I hold you in the palm of my hand, because you've accepted what is unquestionably the single most daunting challenge I've ever imagined: to forget that we are one. Good on you,     The Universe

wisdom

"Do not judge me because I sin differently than you"

got it made

Perhaps the greatest of all illusions, Stevie, is that life could somehow be better than it already is. You've got it made -     The Universe

lagunaa

laguna beach lovinnnnnnnnnn!!!! i love my life! its been so fantastic today! weather has been beautiful, sun beating down on my face...pure blissss.. urgh 10 hour drive tomorrow.

but i already have plans for the rest of the week! tomorrow night hanging out with my friend shantel and visiting teaching (sigh) and then going to a basktball game with mikey yayay!!! thursday i am going on a dinner date with cotee and dimitra and friday my friends getting her face lasered again so she cant see the sun hahaha so i am hanging out with her all day! and saturday my frien liz's birthday party....whahhooo! i love my friends!

I LOVE MY LIFE!

remember....

whoever comes, they're the right people.

whatever happens is the only thing that could have.

whenever it starts, is the right time.

when its over... its over.


(credits khylee hansen)

looks good from all angles

Oh how wonderful California has been. Such a joyous time for myself as well as my family! We have been to beaches, baseball games, shopping, eating, Disneyland adventures ectcetera. I love the energy here. People waking up early, grabbing a bite to eat at a local hole-in-the-wall place, surfing, running, hiking, or doing what makes them happiness, and then off to work later in the day and then back to their local beach homes to enjoy a drink and a wonderful view from their little homes. I love it. I love it here, but I love salt lake city Utah. Utah is beautiful to me. I love the mountains, I love the seasons. I love that I can go to the mountains, a lake, motorcycling, hiking, anything… and its all only 20 minutes away from me. I can look at the Bahamas, beaches, other countries and appreciate their beauties but Utah will always look the prettiest to me, because its where I call home. 

bf

urgh, everyone and their boyfriends are making me sick. why must i be single and boring at a time like this? i am happy with myself and i don't need a significant other to make me feel better about myself but lets be honest... 
i miss...
-funny spontaneous texts throughout the day
-holding hands
-being 100% comfortable with someone
-sitting in comfortable silence
-not awkward dates...seriously you'd be surprised
-knowing how someone feels about you
-kissing... i know i know lame but still. for real. kiss me fools
-lazy nights in vs getting ready, going out, and it being a bust


blahblahblah.
theres one particular boy i have my mind on as of recent but meh, you know how i do. and if not, its as simple as this process... i meet a boy, hes cute, we go on a date, talk for a little bit, he lacks the "spark" (something that makes me want more. ie-funniness, spontaniousness, etc...) and i become   estranged. oh well, one day my prince will come :) adios and goodnight.

get out

Get out, get out, get out even more, Stevie! Because there are people you've yet to meet, laughs you've yet to share, stories you've yet to live, and riches you've yet to tap into, that will not find you under any other circumstances.  Besides, how else can I shower you with surprises?        -The Universe

yayay

a snowboarding post... what else is new? no no no, i kid.... but seriously.
tomorrow will be the last time for me this year... the snows getting crappy, the sun is shining, and my classes are over as of tomorrow. but oh, what a joy it has been. i am particularly proud of myself. not only because i made myself try something new, but because i stuck with it. normally when i try things i do them in private so no one can see me mess up. but i was determined to change that. i went with someone new when they asked me, even if i knew i was going to be wayyy crappy in comparison to their skill level. i woke up early and went even if i woke up one day and didnt feel up to the drive. i made "inconvenient" trips to further resorts, paid extra money just to have the experience and look what i got... a fun and new hobby. now, by no means does this mean i am the next travis rice, but i have pushed myself to take advantage of my heath, my favorite mountains and just being alive. wish me a good last day tomorrow :)

cool picture i took of the backside of timp

picture on top of  snake creek at brighton. it was a beautiful view... but i was too excited to ride to take my board off and get a good picture... maybe tomorrow?

rant

as few (if not none) of you know, i have been struggling lately with losing my two best friends to a mission. although i could not be more happy for them to be accomplishing such a thing.. i cant help but to be a downer and wish that they were home with me. home with me to enjoy the last of snowboarding, baseball games, running misc errands, laying on the floor of cades basement laughing our heads off, playing the animal game, watching friends or workaholics, sharing the ups and downs of our day, going to rachritos for matt to get a breakfast burrito at night, getting ice cream sundaes from mcdonalds, and the list goes on. its weird when i think about how much time we really did spend together and how it just stopped with a snap of the fingers. at certain times i am sad, sometimes i am annoyed, others anxious. but all the time, i am happy. happy that they are there, and i am here. they are doing such an awesome thing for themselves, their families, myself and those who will be touched by their words for generations upon generations... at first when i heard they both were going to begin preparing for an lds mission  i'm not going to lie, i was kind of peeved. and then i was excited, and then i was sad, and then i was angry, and then i was excited. (all happening one after another in about 30 seconds) "why not just be happy for them stevie? if they are happy, you should be happy" well, because you see, we had plans. plans for fun times and adventures ahead. we had camping spots in mind, we were going to go to my cabin as many times as we could, we were going to travel, and just be together. us three. the three best friends that any one could have.. and then they just decided to up and leave me? all by my lonesome?!..... urgh. the months preparing for them to leave were fun ones. we spent money, had adventures, went on drives... everything was together and it was so much fun.

and then they left. matt left a month before cade did (im sure you know this if you are reading my blog but just for my story-telling sake, bare with me... ) and it wasnt that bad after he had left, because i wasnt alone yet. cade hadnt left yet.... well now cades gone and i, for the first time in about 2 years am completely alone. okay, well not completely, but it feels like it. sure, i have good friends to pass the time with, but its not like how it was with them. we could have such a fun time hanging out together and say nothing at all. 

anyways, why share this with you today? why do i feel somewhat compelled to tell you this?

well, because i have pulled myself out. today i choose to be... ME. 

myself, happy, bliss, peaceful, at ease.. and everything else good in the world. 

i am sick of this past week feeling tired, sad, bummed, depressed, lonely... because guess what? THATS LAME! they would be so disappointed to come home in two years and see that i have made no progression in myself. that i hadnt made anything good happen for my life. so on sunday i decided to make a change. be who i wanted to be and leave the rest to follow. make myself happy and see who is standing around me when the time comes. its been going well for me and then it was just today that i realized...

miracles are smaller then what we are looking for. 

i and you, dont, and shouldnt need the ahh-ha moment. the huge piller of light striking my face. a huge wave of warmth coming over me to see what is going on around us. sometimes (sadly) that is what it takes to make us realize something.

i was looking for something to happen to me, something super and awesome and exciting to take my mind off of things when in all actuality, i should have seen it in the beginning. them going on a mission would be one of the biggest miracles to have happened to me. they are such amazing examples to me and i am going to try so hard to be the most that i can with what i have. so when they come home, we all have awesome experiences to share with each other and we can all laugh and have a good time and it will be like they never left. 

im sorry about this boring post, but i had to share so therefore, i am not sorry at all. 

happy mid-week everybody.

final words

going through the last things that cade said to me before he leaves. he always knows how to make my smile...


"stevie you are the coolest sexiest girl i have ever met in my whole life. you do much for people even if you dont get anything in return. im the luckiest to even know you! i love you so much i could never begin to describe it! you are everything to me and the thought of losing you makes me want to kill myself, thats why its so hard to leave you. anyway i appreciate you so much. dont ever change. you are my soul mate. "


"i love you more then a fat kid loves cake. seeing you everyday mademy life so much better and happier. leaving you is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. i just want you to know that im in love with you so deeply that i could never forget it and i will think about you everyday im gone. i love you so much. "

more beautiful

What if every wrinkle, scar, or gray hair only made you more beautiful?

 What if every tear you've shed, mistake you've made, and challenge you've faced, only drew you closer to the light?

 And what if, Stevie, for every breath you've taken, every sentence you've spoken, and every path you've chosen, your fans in the unseen multiplied? 

Well, I'd say it's about time you found out... 

Be proud, we are 

-The Universe

eggs with onions cheesy for me.

happy sunday, end of the week for some, the start for others. this past week has been fantastic. full of adventures, emotions, deep thinking, readings, outings with friends and more. this week i have made a very valuable self-discovery and that always makes for satisfaction. i made breakfast for myself and i couldnt have been more please with the outcome. bacon, sunflower toast, oj and my specialty... eggs with onions, cheese, and cherry tomatos. oh how the heavens sang when they entered my mouth. although fun things happened this week, i am too lazy to upload the pictures so for now, enjoy your sunday with those you care about most.... xoxox

amazing mystery

Ever notice, Stevie, how those who give 100% just to "get by" in life, usually do? How those who are willing to do just about anything to work on their relationships, usually do? And how those who seem to make it their life's mission to add more years to theirs, often succeed?

Thought so.

Then you must wonder, too, why they don't just give 100% to living in abundance, do just about anything to celebrate their relationships, and make it their mission to add more life to their years... huh?

Just another one of life's amazing mysteries, I guess -
    The Universe

no death bed regets

I’m just living on a perfect day

Riding on a perfect wave

Waiting for the end to come

Enjoy your visit no one gets to stay

Never let it slip away

Waiting for the end to come

turn away

It's not from the known, but the unknown, Stevie, that creativity and inventiveness are born. 

Turn away from the predictable, cliché, and reliable. 

Brave the void where the darkness is greatest. 

Trust the quiet, find the stillness, feel the calm. 

Then steadily think, speak, and move as if you were led. 

Behave as if your vision were clear. 

Anticipate the emotional rush that will come with your triumph.

 And as if by magic, as you raise your pen to write, you'll find the words have already been summoned, flooded in light that was there all along, in a world that has just as anxiously anticipated your arrival. 

Just don't let them worship you, Stevie. 

    The Universe

happy birthday ely.
"you ready to get weeeeeiirddd???"
 hahahha
youre such an awesome person.
you have a strong heart, mind and body.
i feel like even though you dont like me now, you will soon come to find how truly outstang i am :)
 i love love love love you 

midget of the family for realz.

i can feel it

gooooood freaking song. so amazing!i have heard this songs a thousand times over and over again and i get something new out of it every time. what do you feel like it means?
i think this is a good interpretation of it....

this song is about the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. The angel opens her eyes in birth, and closes them in death. The angel is both a symbol of the divine and of life, and the living people themselves (eyes opening for the first time in life, closing for the final time in death).The pale blue-colored iris of a newborn baby represents the circle of life. The glory coming out to hide is the spark of the divine hidden within all people. It is there before us in plain sight, but hidden because we see the flesh most often rather than the spirit within. 

pathway to ?

everybody has a story to tell. everyone has a journey ahead of them, and a path that they must walk. people come and go for reasons unknown. things happen that cannot be explained. but we have to wake up and deal with our choices 100% alone. no one can ever know every little thing about you. never. so, why do people make choices that dont make them happy? why are we constantly thinking about everyone but ourselves and our own needs? because, i am the one who has to look at myself in the mirror everyday and be me. no one has the stuff and baggage i have  and so why not live everyday for yourself. i have been trying to and i have never been happier. when i do this, my happy days are happier and my bad days dont seem so bad. i am so full of love and "umff" for life. 

what picture do you think describes your life and pathway/journey? the ones i made slightly bigger are the ones that are similar with my life i think... enjoy :)

sight for sore eyes

since i work at sorenson and i sit in a cubicle allllll day, why get ready i say? especcccccially cause i have to be there at freaking 6 am!?!??!? i love it, everyone thinks i am the biggest bum in the world there and i dont even care. this day, i was looking exceptionally well and my friend couldnt resist a picture! oh, how marvelous i look. one day i will get a boyfriend who will think i am the most attractive person in the world and  when i look like this, and then i will know i have met the man i am supposed to be with. especially when he wants it as his background on his phone to look at every chance he gets hahahah side note, notice my socks and how my toe is like hanging out. oh my, everything about this picture is fantastic.

me getting ready for my morning snowboarding session that didnt happen today. fml. i went to go up to brighton today and the canyons were closed, then they opened, and then it was full so i waited for like 29 millions years and finally flipped around because i wasnt even to the mouth of the canyon yet... i took this picture while waiting... i am so good at taking pictures of myself and you can tell i do it often because i am so skilled at getting my whole face...... hahahahahahhahaha

hump day

everybody who knows me, knows that i come from a family who is very much in tune with music. (mostly my dads side) we never just listen to a song at face value. we can carry on a conversation about the rhythm, beat, vocals but something i feel connected to are the lyrics. lyrics captivate, inspire, motivate, and make me feel fabulous all at the same time. when singing a song, i am always listening to what they are saying and then i interpret it for me to apply it to my life. i don't know why i cant just listen to a song for what it is, but i consider it a lovely talent of mine.
i listen to all sorts of music. my favorites although, is indie, alternative rock, and "underground rap"f you will. i honestly can listen to everything but those are my particular genres. anyways, i love music. when i hear certain songs i instantly am taken back to the first time i heard it, what i was doing, and more importantly how i felt. for example, every time i hear the song Can't Stop by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, i remember going to their concert with my dad and watching them jam out on stage and just being like, THIS IS AWESOME!!!! every time i hear that song i just get immediately happy and just love it. so when i am doing things like hiking, running, cleaning my room, snowboarding etc, i listen to certain types of songs that put me at ease with whatever may be going on in my life.
so while i was driving up snowboarding last week, i was enjoying the mountain and all its beauty (dont even get me started on how i feel when i get in the mountains, you all will be bored to tears by my awe) and i was getting pumped for snowboarding and a certain song came onto my shuffle that day and this line in the song really hit me.. i hope you all can get whatever you need out of it and enjoy the rest of your week :)

"Look, I've never had a dream in my life

Because a dream is what you wanna do, but still haven't pursued

I knew what I wanted and did it till it was done

So i've been the dream that I wanted to be since day one!"

nine

the nine hardest things that are inevitable things that we all have, do, and will continue to go through in this thing called life....


1-being questions when you yourself don't quite understand.
2-pretending to be innocent of what you know you are guilty...
3-trying to forget something you know you never will.
4-admitting you're wrong when you've been so insistent that you were right.
5-debating with yourself.
6-accepting the fact that somethings aren't meant to be...
7-trying to understand when you just can't.
8-realizing that you've been fooled after you have given you're whole truth.
9-parting and letting go of someone who made you believe in love again.

past

i was over at my friend ali's last night and she was showing me some old pictures of jr high and high school and it just reminded me of how much fun i had during those years of my life. so i had to share some pictures with you all... enjoy :)